My hats don't fit!
A wife.  A mom.  A girl scout leader.  A soccer board member.  A school volunteer. A sister. A corporate employee.  A dog love. A daughter. A friend. A chauffeur. An oil enthusiast…..
I wore ALL these titles, and more, sometimes many of them all at one time. If you are a working mom, I know you can relate. I was so busy 24/7 being “someone” to everyone else that I had forgotten how to just be me. I was living in “groundhog day”, exhausted, lost and left searching for who I was.
It took me two years, a lot of coaching and deep exploration into spiritual practices to find my way out of that maze of lost identity. But I did.
Today, I am a proud spiritual mama of two absolutely amazing kids, Ella, 11 and Joseph, 6. I am also still a soccer board member, a volunteer, a sister, a daughter, a friend, a chauffeur……
I did however realize that two of the hats I was wearing no longer fit me – that of wife and corporate employee.
Letting go of those hats, was absolutely terrifying,  I didn’t know how it would feel without them.  Yet it was exciting, freeing and empowering at the same time.  
Being a wife and working in the corporate world were stories that I had set for myself at a young age and I was afraid of the unknowns of what life would be like without them.   I set those standards for myself before truly knowing who I was, what I desired out of life and if those roles truly fit.  I just always felt they were something I “should” do because I thought I would be good at it. 
When I let go of the idea of being a wife I realized what I was longing for was not the actual title but rather the love and connection that comes with such a relationship.  And just because I had that title didn’t mean I would feel the love or the connection.  In fact, I didn’t feel the love or connection anymore.  It was time to move on.  It was time to find that love and connection inside me! I do not need someone else to find it.
It has taken a long time to let go of those stories.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I was in love when I got married and am grateful for our life together.  My marriage as well as my job both served me well and I have absolutely no regrets. Life however has taking me in a different direction.  
Still to this day the stories pop up from time to time as I peel away another layer of healing.  I have moments of nostalgia when I think “what would life had been like if…”  BUT I know those are just stories and I am where I am meant to be, wearing the hats that fit me.
What today looks like and how I am EVOLVING. 
I work for myself and I LOVE it. The freedom to fill my day as I desire. One of the biggest advantages of working from home is that I am able to adjust my schedule so that I can be very involved in my children’s lives and activities. 
As I learned to free up energy, I discovered several new things about ME…
I love of photography. I truly enjoy how it feels to capture a moment in time and share it with others.  Life has been so busy and my arms so full with kids and their things that I mostly use my Iphone for pics these days but it’s time to put the phone away, take the “real” camera out again and get out there again.  Photography connects me with my creative side, helps me to be in the moment and gets me looking at life from all different perspectives.
I am an avid reader who still prefers to feel that paper book in my hands, though I do sometimes use a kindle or listen to a book through Audible.  I have always loved to read but I have definitely taken it up a notch.  In 2019 I read over a book a week ending at 56 books for the year!
I enjoy podcasts, with some of my favorites being Ambitchious with Katie Boyd, Love Rebel with LeAnn Vogel, The Goal Digger with Jenna Kutcher and With Love Danielle with Danielle LaPorte to name just a few.  Self development, Spirituality and business are some of my favorite topics.   I have also enjoyed sharing a little about me on a few podcasts.  Check out the fun I had on the Ambitchious Podcast! 
I have started to write. How therapeutic it is! It started with journaling as part of my healing process, but has grown into sharing tips, meanings and experiences about Reiki, crystals, card decks and essential oils. Check out more of my blog and share in my journey!
I feel grounded with essential oils. My Young Living Essential oils and wellness line have replaced just about every product in my home with what you would normally buy at a pharmacy.  Though I still venture to Target from time to time, it is mostly just for kids snacks, TP, paper towels and of course all the millions of last minute things that I pick up along the way.  Haha…. Not sure the last time I spent less than $100 there. 
I am dreaming again. One day I will own a beach house! The ocean is one of my favorite places to be I feel so grounded yet free there.  All my worries disappear at the first sniff of the salt air and step in the sand.  I am fortunate to be close to the New Hampshire coastline, so I can go to the beach often – and even on a whim!  And my kids love it too so that is a bonus!  My second favorite retreat is the beautiful mountains that are a short drive in the other direction.  Both places are great for meditation which is now a favorite stress reliever and an integral part of ME.  
Let’s stay connected and Evolve together! 

1 Comment

  1. Thanks for sharing your journey. Love the title! Have done similar introspection myself and have come out the other side more grounded and with more clarity. Less hats. Better fit.

Leave a Comment