Today, Independence day, I spent some time reflecting on what independence and freedom mean to me.
I have always been a very independent person in so many ways yet true freedom has been tough to find. I was born into a free country. I was raised by loving parents. I have had great experiences and opportunities in my life. I am not under someone else's control. I have free will and able to do as I choose. Yet I was feeling stuck.
I allowed myself to be controlled by my fear, by what others thought about me, by the unknown. I always did what I "should" do, what I was good at, what helped others. And I lost myself in the process. I longed for freedom but I had no idea how to find it. That is until I was introduced to meditation and began my spiritual journey.
The key was to be quiet. To go inward. To connect with myself and with the energy around me. To know myself better than I ever had before. Only then can I find the freedom I am after. Only then will I know myself enough to know what freedom means to me. Only then did I even realize that freedom was one of my core desired feelings.
Freedom to me meant that I could do what I desired to do for work, in life. That I could follow my passion rather than just doing what I was “good” at. But I never felt like I could live that way. I had to do what was expected of me. I had to make a good living to provide for my kids. I had to put my kids, my husband and everyone else before me.
It was selfish to think of my desires first….
Or so I thought.
I was putting these limitations on myself. No one was forcing me to do what I was doing. I was free to do what I desired but I was letting FEAR stop me. Fear that if I put myself first I would not be loved by others. Fear that if I did not do what others expected of me I would be rejected. Fear that I was not good enough to pursue a career in something I was passionate about. Fear of failure. Fear of success. So much fear...
Fear was stopping me from living the life I desire to live, it was stopping me from creating the legacy for my kids that I wished to create, it was stopping me from being authentically me.
And all of that fear was something that I was making up myself. Fear is NOT the truth. It is the ego’s way of stopping us from getting hurt. But I was hurting…
“No one outside ourselves can rule us inwardly. When we know this, we become free.” - Buddha
Now that I know the control that fear can have on me I am doing my best to work through the fear. I started meditating daily. I practiced daily non-negotiable rituals for myself. I went inward. And then started to feel freedom finding me.
The fear is still there… but I am not going to let is stop me from chasing my dreams. I am free to design a life I love. I am free to be me. I am still evolving. The journey continues.
And I will tell you what… I will do my darndest to make sure that my kids always know that they are free to be authentically who they are and to live the life they desire. That is my life’s mission. To build a legacy for my kiddos with my kiddos.
What does freedom mean to you?
Does fear stop you from living the life you desire?
If you resonate with any of this I would love to have you jump into my free Facebook community. This month (July 2021), we are doing a deep dive into the book “The 4 Agreements” and I would love to have you join us. (and if you read this later..check out the guides section for all the details)
It’s a beautiful almost summer morning in June and I have spent much of the morning outside. Watering my garden (first time gardener…. It is certainly interesting…), Reading my book on my patio and then a walk. Although I love to take pictures of nature when I walk. And share with my friends how great it is to get out in nature I realized that I often get caught up in showing everyone else how great it is that I am not fully in the moment just for me. So, I decided to leave my phone at home. This walk will be only for me and me alone.
Well only a few minutes into my walk part of me was wishing I had my phone with me. I was enjoying all the sites and sounds and thought how great it was to share it. Then… about 10 minutes in the sparks of creativity started. I had all of these ideas for blogs, for ways to share with others, for services to add to my business, for things to do around the house. I had nothing to record or write them down on and I know how my brain works… fingers crossed that I could remember them when I got back home.
I actually thought about turning around so I could document it all but then I realized something. There is a reason I feel so creative right now. I am outside in nature, I am spending time with Me and only Me enjoying this nature, no chores being done, no one to be held accountable to, zero technology with me (other than my super old fitbit so I know how long I walked and what time it was…). It is this disconnection that was allowing me to fully connect with the energy around me. And this energy was feeding my creativity at a deeper soul level.
And guess what? I remembered what came to me on the walk, even 45 minutes & 4 miles later! So the morale of this story is I must do this more!!! I must disconnect from tech and connect with myself, nature & the amazing energy we create together!
What sparks your creativity? Do that more….
Check out the video when I chat a bit about this https://youtu.be/eyl2C5qTzEQ
And if you are looking for more inspiration in a like minded high vibin community join us https://www.facebook.com/groups/momsrewritingourstory
Five or six years ago I would not have foreseen the contentment and happiness I feel in this moment on Easter as I sit here alone with no kids. For so long I lived for these days that I could shower my kids with gives and celebrate the holiday with them.
When I first got divorced I was devastated at the thought of not spending every moment with them. The mere thought of being alone on a holiday had me so anxious. I felt lost without them. I identified so much with being their mom and providing fun, memorable holidays. I didn’t feel worthy unless I was doing something for them. I felt lost, sad, incomplete…. It wasn’t just a day to me back then, even though it’s truly just a day…
Now, fast forward, I enjoy the day of the holiday if I have the kids with me or not, if I spend time with others or not. I am completely content spending the day with myself. In fact, I am blessed. I am amazing company.
The day of the holiday is truly just a day. We still celebrate just a little differently than in years past and that is OK. In fact, it’s more than ok. We are more intentional with our time and energy around the holiday and do what works best for us, not what conforms to what others think we should do.
This Easter we did an egg hunt the day before and then woke up this morning and did our baskets. I then dropped them at their dad’s house and I went to the beach alone and it’s been amazing.
We made some awesome memories and it was a great reminder that my worth and my relationship with my kids does not depend on the picture perfect holiday we have. (because that picture perfect holiday does not exist… it is a façade) The best holiday for us is the one that fits our lifestyle and helps us to connect and feel amazing.
The more I love me, the better every holiday is and truly the better every day is!
This mindset took years of healing, lots of repeating affirmations to myself, reminders of how worthy I am even when I don’t feel it, lots of work and it’s been so worth all of the work to get here to this place of peace.
Are you thinking “How I the world does she feel this content being alone on the holiday?” or “The holidays are so overwhelming… how can I find peace like this?”
I am here to help you!
Check out my course “High Vibe Holidays” and start taking control of your holidays to find more peace. https://jillcoletti.com/page/high-vibe-holidays
