What freedom means to me

What freedom means to me
Today, Independence day, I spent some time reflecting on what independence and freedom mean to me.
I have always been a very independent person in so many ways yet true freedom has been tough to find.  I was born into a free country.  I was raised by loving parents. I have had great experiences and opportunities in my life. I am not under someone else's control.   I have free will and able to do as I choose.   Yet I was feeling stuck.    
I allowed myself to be controlled by my fear, by what others thought about me, by the unknown.  I always did what I "should" do, what I was good at, what helped others.   And I lost myself in the process.   I longed for freedom but I had no idea how to find it.  That is until I was introduced to meditation and began my spiritual journey.
The key was to be quiet.   To go inward.  To connect with myself and with the energy around me.  To know myself better than I ever had before.   Only then can I find the freedom I am after.  Only then will I know myself enough to know what freedom means to me.  Only then did I even realize that freedom was one of my core desired feelings.  

Freedom to me meant that I could do what I desired to do for work, in life.  That I could follow my passion rather than just doing what I was “good” at.   But I never felt like I could live that way.  I had to do what was expected of me.  I had to make a good living to provide for my kids.  I had to put my kids, my husband and everyone else before me.  

It was selfish to think of my desires first….
Or so I thought.  

I was putting these limitations on myself.  No one was forcing me to do what I was doing.   I was free to do what I desired but I was letting FEAR stop me.  Fear that if I put myself first I would not be loved by others.  Fear that if I did not do what others expected of me I would be rejected.  Fear that I was not good enough to pursue a career in something I was passionate about.   Fear of failure. Fear of success.  So much fear...  

Fear was stopping me from living the life I desire to live, it was stopping me from creating the legacy for my kids that I wished to create, it was stopping me from being authentically me.  

And all of that fear was something that I was making up myself.  Fear is NOT the truth.  It is the ego’s way of stopping us from getting hurt.  But I was hurting…

“No one outside ourselves can rule us inwardly. When we know this, we become free.”  - Buddha

Now that I know the control that fear can have on me I am doing my best to work through the fear.  I started meditating daily. I practiced daily non-negotiable rituals for myself.  I went inward.  And then started to feel freedom finding me.   

The fear is still there… but I am not going to let is stop me from chasing my dreams.  I am free to design a life I love.  I am free to be me.  I am still evolving.   The journey continues.  

And I will tell you what… I will do my darndest to make sure that my kids always know that they are free to be authentically who they are and to live the life they desire.   That is my life’s mission.  To build a legacy for my kiddos with my kiddos.

What does freedom mean to you? 

Does fear stop you from living the life you desire?

If you resonate with any of this I would love to have you jump into my free Facebook community.  This month (July 2021), we are doing a deep dive into the book “The 4 Agreements” and I would love to have you join us.  (and if you read this later..check out the guides section for all the details)

Nature Feeds Creativity

Nature Feeds Creativity
It’s a beautiful almost summer morning in June and I have spent much of the morning outside.  Watering my garden (first time gardener…. It is certainly interesting…), Reading my book on my patio and then a walk.  Although I love to take pictures of nature when I walk.  And share with my friends how great it is to get out in nature I realized that I often get caught up in showing everyone else how great it is that I am not fully in the moment just for me.  So, I decided to leave my phone at home.  This walk will be only for me and me alone.
Well only a few minutes into my walk part of me was wishing I had my phone with me.  I was enjoying all the sites and sounds and thought how great it was to share it.  Then… about 10 minutes in the sparks of creativity started.  I had all of these ideas for blogs, for ways to share with others, for services to add to my business, for things to do around the house.  I had nothing to record or write them down on and I know how my brain works… fingers crossed that I could remember them when I got back home.    
I actually thought about turning around so I could document it all but then I realized something.  There is a reason I feel so creative right now.  I am outside in nature, I am spending time with Me and only Me enjoying this nature, no chores being done, no one to be held accountable to, zero technology with me (other than my super old fitbit so I know how long I walked and what time it was…).  It is this disconnection that was allowing me to fully connect with the energy around me.  And this energy was feeding my creativity at a deeper soul level.
And guess what?  I remembered what came to me on the walk, even 45 minutes & 4 miles later!  So the morale of this story is I must do this more!!!  I must disconnect from tech and connect with myself, nature & the amazing energy we create together!
What sparks your creativity?  Do that more….
Check out the video when I chat a bit about this https://youtu.be/eyl2C5qTzEQ
And if you are looking for more inspiration in a like minded high vibin community join us https://www.facebook.com/groups/momsrewritingourstory

Easter with Myself

Easter with Myself
Five or six years ago I would not have foreseen the contentment and happiness I feel in this moment on Easter as I sit here alone with no kids.  For so long I lived for these days that I could shower my kids with gives and celebrate the holiday with them.  
When I first got divorced I was devastated at the thought of not spending every moment with them.  The mere thought of being alone on a holiday had me so anxious.  I felt lost without them.  I identified so much with being their mom and providing fun, memorable holidays.  I didn’t feel worthy unless I was doing something for them.  I felt lost, sad, incomplete….  It wasn’t just a day to me back then, even though it’s truly just a day…
Now, fast forward, I enjoy the day of the holiday if I have the kids with me or not, if I spend time with others or not. I am completely content spending the day with myself.  In fact, I am blessed.  I am amazing company.
The day of the holiday is truly just a day.  We still celebrate just a little differently than in years past and that is OK.  In fact, it’s more than ok.  We are more intentional with our time and energy around the holiday and do what works best for us, not what conforms to what others think we should do.
This Easter we did an egg hunt the day before and then woke up this morning and did our baskets.  I then dropped them at their dad’s house and I went to the beach alone and it’s been amazing.
We made some awesome memories and it was a great reminder that my worth and my relationship with my kids does not depend on the picture perfect holiday we have.  (because that picture perfect holiday does not exist… it is a façade)   The best holiday for us is the one that fits our lifestyle and helps us to connect and feel amazing.
The more I love me, the better every holiday is and truly the better every day is!
This mindset took years of healing, lots of repeating affirmations to myself, reminders of how worthy I am even when I don’t feel it, lots of work and it’s been so worth all of the work to get here to this place of peace.
Are you thinking “How I the world does she feel this content being alone on the holiday?”  or  “The holidays are so overwhelming… how can I find peace like this?”  
I am here to help you!   
Check out my course “High Vibe Holidays” and start taking control of your holidays to find more peace.     https://jillcoletti.com/page/high-vibe-holidays

My hats don't fit!

My hats don't fit!
A wife.  A mom.  A girl scout leader.  A soccer board member.  A school volunteer. A sister. A corporate employee.  A dog love. A daughter. A friend. A chauffeur. An oil enthusiast…..
I wore ALL these titles, and more, sometimes many of them all at one time. If you are a working mom, I know you can relate. I was so busy 24/7 being “someone” to everyone else that I had forgotten how to just be me. I was living in “groundhog day”, exhausted, lost and left searching for who I was.
It took me two years, a lot of coaching and deep exploration into spiritual practices to find my way out of that maze of lost identity. But I did.
Today, I am a proud spiritual mama of two absolutely amazing kids, Ella, 11 and Joseph, 6. I am also still a soccer board member, a volunteer, a sister, a daughter, a friend, a chauffeur……
I did however realize that two of the hats I was wearing no longer fit me – that of wife and corporate employee.
Letting go of those hats, was absolutely terrifying,  I didn’t know how it would feel without them.  Yet it was exciting, freeing and empowering at the same time.  
Being a wife and working in the corporate world were stories that I had set for myself at a young age and I was afraid of the unknowns of what life would be like without them.   I set those standards for myself before truly knowing who I was, what I desired out of life and if those roles truly fit.  I just always felt they were something I “should” do because I thought I would be good at it. 
When I let go of the idea of being a wife I realized what I was longing for was not the actual title but rather the love and connection that comes with such a relationship.  And just because I had that title didn’t mean I would feel the love or the connection.  In fact, I didn’t feel the love or connection anymore.  It was time to move on.  It was time to find that love and connection inside me! I do not need someone else to find it.
It has taken a long time to let go of those stories.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I was in love when I got married and am grateful for our life together.  My marriage as well as my job both served me well and I have absolutely no regrets. Life however has taking me in a different direction.  
Still to this day the stories pop up from time to time as I peel away another layer of healing.  I have moments of nostalgia when I think “what would life had been like if…”  BUT I know those are just stories and I am where I am meant to be, wearing the hats that fit me.
What today looks like and how I am EVOLVING. 
I work for myself and I LOVE it. The freedom to fill my day as I desire. One of the biggest advantages of working from home is that I am able to adjust my schedule so that I can be very involved in my children’s lives and activities. 
As I learned to free up energy, I discovered several new things about ME…
I love of photography. I truly enjoy how it feels to capture a moment in time and share it with others.  Life has been so busy and my arms so full with kids and their things that I mostly use my Iphone for pics these days but it’s time to put the phone away, take the “real” camera out again and get out there again.  Photography connects me with my creative side, helps me to be in the moment and gets me looking at life from all different perspectives.
I am an avid reader who still prefers to feel that paper book in my hands, though I do sometimes use a kindle or listen to a book through Audible.  I have always loved to read but I have definitely taken it up a notch.  In 2019 I read over a book a week ending at 56 books for the year!
I enjoy podcasts, with some of my favorites being Ambitchious with Katie Boyd, Love Rebel with LeAnn Vogel, The Goal Digger with Jenna Kutcher and With Love Danielle with Danielle LaPorte to name just a few.  Self development, Spirituality and business are some of my favorite topics.   I have also enjoyed sharing a little about me on a few podcasts.  Check out the fun I had on the Ambitchious Podcast! 
I have started to write. How therapeutic it is! It started with journaling as part of my healing process, but has grown into sharing tips, meanings and experiences about Reiki, crystals, card decks and essential oils. Check out more of my blog and share in my journey!
I feel grounded with essential oils. My Young Living Essential oils and wellness line have replaced just about every product in my home with what you would normally buy at a pharmacy.  Though I still venture to Target from time to time, it is mostly just for kids snacks, TP, paper towels and of course all the millions of last minute things that I pick up along the way.  Haha…. Not sure the last time I spent less than $100 there. 
I am dreaming again. One day I will own a beach house! The ocean is one of my favorite places to be I feel so grounded yet free there.  All my worries disappear at the first sniff of the salt air and step in the sand.  I am fortunate to be close to the New Hampshire coastline, so I can go to the beach often – and even on a whim!  And my kids love it too so that is a bonus!  My second favorite retreat is the beautiful mountains that are a short drive in the other direction.  Both places are great for meditation which is now a favorite stress reliever and an integral part of ME.  
Let’s stay connected and Evolve together! 

Breaking free, Finding joy

Breaking free, Finding joy

Why did I leave a stable, decent paying career in corporate finance to pursue spiritual entrepreneurship?  Talk about a 180.  Am I crazy?  Well maybe a little…. Here’s a little story to help you understand.

It was Groundhog Day. 

I would wake up, get dressed, get the kids ready, leave to drop them off at daycare then work 8-10 hours without even taking lunch excited to get home to see my kiddos again, then I leave, pick up the kids, do dinner, baths then get them to bed and most nights were filled with chores or more work then crash on the couch. 

I would wake up everyday wishing I had a different life but I didn’t even have the guts to admit it out loud.  I knew it was not in the cards for me.  I didn’t even try to talk to my husband about my desires because I felt he would not believe in them.  He had supported me for years with different side business endeavors and weight loss challenges but I felt like I had failed so many times, he definitely lost faith in me. I lost faith in myself. 

I desired happiness and dreamed of living a free and inspired life but I could not get out of my own way to make it happen.  I was reading all of the self-help (or should we call it “shelf-help”) books.  I was journaling about how amazing I would feel when I lost weight, had my dream job, an amazing relationship with my husband and did not have to leave my kids with someone else all day. 

But it was a distant dream, and while I could envision what it might look like, I struggled to really feel that I could achieve it. Oh and there was the small fact that I was taking NO action to make it happen.  

I was a wife, a mom, a daughter, a sister, a corporate employee… I identified only with the roles that I played in my life. I didn’t even know who I truly was.  I was living everyone else’s life…. Life was happening to me not for me. I was so drained at the end of the day that I was not even spending any quality time with my kids or my husband, nevermind exercise or self-care.  I could tell my marriage was ending but I was trying to force it to work with any energy I had left… which was not a lot.  

As my marriage ended, I was not sure what to do with myself.  Divorce is tough… I knew in my mind it was the right move but my heart was not so sure.  After the divorce I had all this time on my hands.  The kids were with their dad half the time so I thought I would work alot and catch up on chores while they were with him and then I would be able to spend so much quality time with them when they were with me.  But that didn’t happen… I still felt so spent.  

Mom guilt sets in.

I felt massive mom guilt doing anything for myself even when they were with their dad.  I missed them so much.  I was overwhelmed, stressed and unorganized.  I felt stuck, incomplete, out of balance and afraid.  Afraid that I was losing them or messing them up.  Afraid that I would never know what I was doing.  My kids were not getting the mama they deserved.  I was not living the life I deserved (although, not sure I believed I deserved it when this journey started… self-worth has been a struggle). 

I had the epiphany that it was crucial for me to figure out who I am, what I desire and where my life is going.  It was time to work on me!!

Enter my coach.

I went to my coach looking for help with nutrition, exercise & stress reduction.  I felt so disappointed and ashamed that I had gained all this weight over the years and was not able to lose it.  I thought, if only I could get a handle on my weight, I would feel so much better about myself and things would fall into place.  I was looking for one thing but I found something so much more important, ME!

The help I needed was not how to lose weight, parent better or get “all the things” done.  The help I needed was to rediscover who I was and light my fire again.  And to accomplish this was to connect with my spirituality, not my ego.

Over the last several years I have had many one-on-one coaching as well as Reiki and other healing sessions.  I have developed non-negotiable spiritual practices and rituals that help me connect with myself daily.  I have connected not only with myself but with a tribe of amazing women that lift each other up.  I learned to trust myself again and follow my intuition.   

What today looks like.

I have moved to a new home, left my full-time corporate job, attuned as a Reiki master teacher, and developed a successful co-parenting relationship with my ex-husband. But most important to me is that my relationship with my children is thriving and I feel more love for myself than I ever have before.  

Rather than feeling overwhelmed with stress, I feel free, aligned, inspired, and full of an abundance of love and joy.  And I AM the example that I had always desired to be for my children.

This journey is ongoing.  I am always rediscovering new parts of myself and unlayering pieces I never knew existed and my kids are witnessing this evolution.  My hope is that they see my example and choose to love themselves first and be open to all that life has to offer.  I am excited for my future and my kids’ future.  

My mission is to help women the way I was helped. To guide as many mamas as I can to rediscover themselves and in turn teach their children how to live a joyful, aligned life.  The families I help will help others, creating a ripple effect to lift up the energetic vibration of the world.  

I am a heart-centered spiritual mama spreading love and I am excited to see where this journey takes me.

Where will your journey take you?

Who are you destined to be?

Let’s take that journey together. Jump on into my community.  It's time Spiritual Mamas Unite!  

Click here and check out my YouTube video about my escape from groundhog day and some of the daily rituals that helped me...