My mom got up super early to get the turkey in the oven and get started on Great Nana’s famous dinner rolls. The rolls had to rise twice in order to be the best they could be. It required a lot of patience. There was just something about them though. If they were rushed it was just not the same. My dad, brothers and I kept an eye out for the first batch of rolls coming out of the oven so we could taste test. Those were the days….
Five or six years ago I would not have foreseen the contentment and happiness I feel in this moment on Easter as I sit here alone with no kids. For so long I lived for these days that I could shower my kids with gives and celebrate the holiday with them.
When I first got divorced I was devastated at the thought of not spending every moment with them. The mere thought of being alone on a holiday had me so anxious. I felt lost without them. I identified so much with being their mom and providing fun, memorable holidays. I didn’t feel worthy unless I was doing something for them. I felt lost, sad, incomplete…. It wasn’t just a day to me back then, even though it’s truly just a day…
Now, fast forward, I enjoy the day of the holiday if I have the kids with me or not, if I spend time with others or not. I am completely content spending the day with myself. In fact, I am blessed. I am amazing company.
The day of the holiday is truly just a day. We still celebrate just a little differently than in years past and that is OK. In fact, it’s more than ok. We are more intentional with our time and energy around the holiday and do what works best for us, not what conforms to what others think we should do.
This Easter we did an egg hunt the day before and then woke up this morning and did our baskets. I then dropped them at their dad’s house and I went to the beach alone and it’s been amazing.
We made some awesome memories and it was a great reminder that my worth and my relationship with my kids does not depend on the picture perfect holiday we have. (because that picture perfect holiday does not exist… it is a façade) The best holiday for us is the one that fits our lifestyle and helps us to connect and feel amazing.
The more I love me, the better every holiday is and truly the better every day is!
This mindset took years of healing, lots of repeating affirmations to myself, reminders of how worthy I am even when I don’t feel it, lots of work and it’s been so worth all of the work to get here to this place of peace.
Are you thinking “How I the world does she feel this content being alone on the holiday?” or “The holidays are so overwhelming… how can I find peace like this?”
I am here to help you!
Check out my course “High Vibe Holidays” and start taking control of your holidays to find more peace. https://jillcoletti.com/page/high-vibe-holidays
