Today, Independence day, I spent some time reflecting on what independence and freedom mean to me.
I have always been a very independent person in so many ways yet true freedom has been tough to find. I was born into a free country. I was raised by loving parents. I have had great experiences and opportunities in my life. I am not under someone else's control. I have free will and able to do as I choose. Yet I was feeling stuck.
I allowed myself to be controlled by my fear, by what others thought about me, by the unknown. I always did what I "should" do, what I was good at, what helped others. And I lost myself in the process. I longed for freedom but I had no idea how to find it. That is until I was introduced to meditation and began my spiritual journey.
The key was to be quiet. To go inward. To connect with myself and with the energy around me. To know myself better than I ever had before. Only then can I find the freedom I am after. Only then will I know myself enough to know what freedom means to me. Only then did I even realize that freedom was one of my core desired feelings.
Freedom to me meant that I could do what I desired to do for work, in life. That I could follow my passion rather than just doing what I was “good” at. But I never felt like I could live that way. I had to do what was expected of me. I had to make a good living to provide for my kids. I had to put my kids, my husband and everyone else before me.
It was selfish to think of my desires first….
Or so I thought.
I was putting these limitations on myself. No one was forcing me to do what I was doing. I was free to do what I desired but I was letting FEAR stop me. Fear that if I put myself first I would not be loved by others. Fear that if I did not do what others expected of me I would be rejected. Fear that I was not good enough to pursue a career in something I was passionate about. Fear of failure. Fear of success. So much fear...
Fear was stopping me from living the life I desire to live, it was stopping me from creating the legacy for my kids that I wished to create, it was stopping me from being authentically me.
And all of that fear was something that I was making up myself. Fear is NOT the truth. It is the ego’s way of stopping us from getting hurt. But I was hurting…
“No one outside ourselves can rule us inwardly. When we know this, we become free.” - Buddha
Now that I know the control that fear can have on me I am doing my best to work through the fear. I started meditating daily. I practiced daily non-negotiable rituals for myself. I went inward. And then started to feel freedom finding me.
The fear is still there… but I am not going to let is stop me from chasing my dreams. I am free to design a life I love. I am free to be me. I am still evolving. The journey continues.
And I will tell you what… I will do my darndest to make sure that my kids always know that they are free to be authentically who they are and to live the life they desire. That is my life’s mission. To build a legacy for my kiddos with my kiddos.
What does freedom mean to you?
Does fear stop you from living the life you desire?
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